And I am ready for it!
This weekend I sold some old broken necklaces at the 'we buy gold!' place. I guess it was a pawn shop? The necklaces have been accumulated over the last decade or so, as I always thought I would go get them fixed. Bah. Just sell them for scrap. We also sold some of Triple S' old earrings. I also took more clothes for consignment. Slowly but surely cleaning house! My goal is to keep this up and get rid of something every week. I have to start finding something for this week...
I have also been sorting through Beanie's clothes as she (rapidly) outgrows them. I kept gender-neutral things and got rid of stuff I didn't like. I did keep some girl things that I really thought were cute. Clothes we didn't want went to two of Triple S' coworkers. I also have lots of baby gear to get rid of - some of it we never even used! Some we tried, but either I didn't like or Beanie didn't like.
I read on one of the minimalist's blogs, or perhaps on the FlyLady, that the money is gone when you bought the junk. So don't think that you are throwing it away now! I just try to remember that.
Triple S and I sorted ourselves out. I am not really a jump-up-and-down happy kinda person anyway. I am happy for him that his career looks like it is going well. I explained to him that I am happy and proud and feel like it is going well. But, this move is hard on me and us. It's a lot of work! The thing I am REALLY happy about - the generous moving package they offered - someone else can pack up all of our crap! (which should be less than it is right now, but it's still gonna be a lot).
***
I heard a story on NPR the other day about a look back at the Feminine Mystique. The guest mentioned how in the 60's the mom's were criticized about how they took care of their kids and husbands and also had limited job opportunities! That must have sucked! I just think, how did our country go so wrong back in the 50's 60's. Getting kids on schedules, pushing formula (I think formula is a great option if something is not working, but shouldn't be the first choice), and all the other crazy things I've heard about. Those kids somehow managed to survive, but it has trickle down effects into society, no? How a mother treats her child and is herself treated by the father affects a kid's personality and development and their expectations.
From what I have learned, there are two ways to handle life. You can let negative things become internalized, and spit those negative things back out, at your wife or kids or at those around you. Or, you can try to do things differently. So, if you came from an abusive house, you could become an abuser or you can try to escape the cycle and make a conscious effort to avoid doing what was done unto you. This goes for basically anything - you can be reactionary or actionary. Like the movie "Precious" (which we just got around to seeing earlier this month).
I try to be an 'attachment' parent. But then my upbringing casts doubts, and I worry that I might be coddling Bea or letting her get away with too much. She is starting to get to the age where she should learn that some things are permissible and some aren't. (And I have been consistently pointing such things out since forever, but she is at the age now where she *should* be understanding and responding!!!)
I am not ready to say that she is at the age that she can be disciplined, because I haven't figured out what that means to me yet. I don't have a really good example of discipline from my life that speaks to me. Actually, what I am doing is my definition of discipline, it's just the way that is more work for the mama. Right now I am just doing a lot of picking her up from the dog's water bowl, setting her on the other side of the kitchen, watching her as she crawls back over there and picking her up again. Repeat about 10 times while I am cooking dinner. And doing this for 20 other crazy things. I can be patient!
I know what I don't want to do.
I could spank her, or grab her violently, or yell at her like a banshee. I am sure she would 'get' it more quickly. But I am not going to do that. My parents would probably think I was crazy for doing what I am doing. Well, my mom would have just plopped me in the playpen. I prefer letting Bea explore.
We just watched the documentary "Babies" this weekend. It made me feel exhausted - more than a year for four kids in about an hour! But, I don't feel like I am too neglectful after seeing the mongolian mom leave her kid in the hut while she tended the animals - even tying the kid to the bed! And I think I can let Bea get dirtier after seeing the African kids sitting in the dirt sans pants.
Sorry, dear readers, I know these blog posts are rambling and not well written. But, it's a download! I think about many things, as I know you all do too. Rarely are those thoughts complete! And writing something here doesn't ever mean that I've made up my mind or know what I am doing or what I am talking about. It's about the process, right?
I'd love to know some of your thoughts on the topics I've touched here (the more half-baked the better!)
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7 comments:
Hi... Love your blog :) I'm just new to all of this and finding an amazing world of parents out there :)) I'm with you on wondering where the line is between discipline and allowing kids far more freedom... I mother with as much love as possible and a few limits too... b/c love seems to guide the best decisions :)) xo
Ooh so much to say but it is getting late here. I did want to say I'm with you all the way on the attachment parenting stuff. That's generally how I approach things, but as a result I do have an almost 15 month old who wont go to anyone else (except Dad and Nanna). Both lovely and absolutely draining at the same time. Same goes for us with discipline! Your patience can wear thin!
xo
It sounds like you are doing great. My discipline style is less discipline and more redirecting too. Positives rather than negatives. But the best thing, I think, you can do is just be consistent. I am saying all this and just realized Beatrice and I have said, "No, Thomas." about fifty times as he pushed buttons on the DVD. *sigh*
I think I was exactly at the same age as you are with Bea when I started to think about these things with Beatrice too. And probably for almost the same exact reason.
xo
we practice AP too. It's hard, and my parent's think we "spoil" our children but when we're out in public and I ask my daughter if she's ready to go, at almost two years old she replies politely "no thank you mommy" instead of throwing an absolute fit like other children would..
Gentle discipline and redirection have been working as long as we stick to it. It has its frustrating moments, but so far, so good. :)
I have found a support group in my area (southeast michigan) that are all AP parents. It's been great talking to other mamas about their struggles and victories. Perhaps that may be something to look into in your area? :)
Hurray for the new week. I'm so glad you and Triple S got things sorted. It can be really hard to be enthusiastic when your emotional energy is being tapped so quickly by so many things.
I think our parenting style can be described as attachment, too, and I deal with some of the same doubts because of my own upbringing, and then again every time I see an article telling me she should be going to sleep on her own now.
Dot loves power cords. I calmly and firmly say no, pick her up and take her away from her beloved cords multiple times a day. I wonder when, exactly, we get to reap the rewards of this much-touted consistency? Hopefully soon.
Child rearing is SUCH a personal thing, it's hard to know if your doing the right thing or not. Good thing children are pretty resilient.I try not to pass judgmental (which I was all to quick to do before being a mom myself) unless someone is blatantly neglecting or abusing their child I have to assume their doing the best the know how with what they have.
Anyhow, the best thing my doctor ever said to me was this " I know your a good parent because your worried about being a good parent", I agree in hindsight, if I care enough to ask and worry, then I really care. End of the day, passionate and unending love and affection is all a child needs to grow healthy, of both spirit and body. I think :) I think we can opposite of a neglectful parent sometimes and make ourselves crazy with every tiny detail, when as I said in the beginning, kids are pretty resilient, it's ok to mess up sometimes. I still always feel like crap when I get impatient and scream at E. when she won't stay laying down, and I am wrestling her down with my whole body to change her diaper and she kicks me in the face and then smears poo everywere cause she didn't want to be on her back lol. I always kiss her and say sorry for shouting and just allow myself to be imperfect. <3
Good luck with the cluttered, we are doing the exact same thing with E's clothes. My husband is convinced there is no need to hold onto E's things cause if we have another child it will be a boy :) he figures if he says enough times the universe will listen I guess haha.
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