And because I am feeling positive, something for, say, March:
(Well, that one book does say 90 days...)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
At the bookstore
we purchased materials for a bit of light reading come January:
And because I am feeling positive, something for, say, March:
(Well, that one book does say 90 days...)
And because I am feeling positive, something for, say, March:
(Well, that one book does say 90 days...)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The day after
As I stirred from my sleep, I was in the middle of a wonderful, adventure-filled dream.
I awoke to return to my normal nightmare.
**love you Serenity**
**
I awoke to return to my normal nightmare.
**love you Serenity**
**
Friday, November 28, 2008
End of the day
I cooked the lasagna and chocolate mayonnaise cake. Triple S cleaned up - that is a real present as I am a messy cook.
Caught some of the Operation Smile special on NBC. Very sad.
I think I was ok today. Mostly chilled. I didn't want to hear about family. My MIL recognized that this might be a hard day for me. I got lot of chocolate as presents- maybe that is how some recognize that I might be have an emotional difficulty. The cards from my Mom & Dad and sis were sweet. Butterflies and posies.
It was better than I could have hoped. Of course, I still have 2 hrs and 17 min to get through.
November 28th
Today is my birthday. I am 33 years old. Perhaps birthdays are really celebrated for the mother. Thirty-three years ago, at 1:29 PM, my mother was successful. I was born after about 36 hours of turkey-induced labor, by c-section. My mom had attempted to impress her in-laws with Thanksgiving at her house.
Triple S gave me a thoughtful and truly suitable card. I have one to open from my grandmother yet. Wishes began to arrive yesterday via email and FaceBook. I can't imagine anything truly wonderful happening today, but maybe the next two years will hold better fortunes for me and my family.
This year, I don't want to hear a slightly off-tune rendition of a certain song that is always sung slightly off-tune. I don't want to be told to have a happy birthday.
Triple S is preparing some congee for breakfast, then I plan to go to an office store to buy myself an all-in-one printer, fax, home office companion. Too much excitement, to be sure.
I am 33 years old. I thought that I had gotten pregnant at a young enough age to make it without worries, just 31. Here I am, two birthdays later, far from where I started but perhaps even farther from my goal.
.
Triple S gave me a thoughtful and truly suitable card. I have one to open from my grandmother yet. Wishes began to arrive yesterday via email and FaceBook. I can't imagine anything truly wonderful happening today, but maybe the next two years will hold better fortunes for me and my family.
This year, I don't want to hear a slightly off-tune rendition of a certain song that is always sung slightly off-tune. I don't want to be told to have a happy birthday.
Triple S is preparing some congee for breakfast, then I plan to go to an office store to buy myself an all-in-one printer, fax, home office companion. Too much excitement, to be sure.
I am 33 years old. I thought that I had gotten pregnant at a young enough age to make it without worries, just 31. Here I am, two birthdays later, far from where I started but perhaps even farther from my goal.
.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
To Give Thanks
Today is what is normally my favorite holiday. I love all the food (the family recipes only, mind you) the time with family, the casual ease of the long weekend.
This year, I cleaned the shelf around Serenity's spot, gardened a bit, and took a nap. I did not want to have a taste of my favorite foods, which I normally eat once per year, in my mouth. I didn't want to celebrate.
But I am grateful for many things:
Triple S, my dear hubby, best friend, companion, confidant. The guy who understands me, and whom I (mostly) understand. He understands why I don't want to celebrate my favorite holiday in the normal manner. We've made a nice life together: we've got a house, a dog, a cat, two cars, and high speed internet. All good.
A couple of my doctors. I figure I better be grateful now, and maybe things will work out next time with the dream team helping us out.
You, the folks on the other side of my blog. This place helps me stay sane and get it all out. Reading your words, whether comments or on your blog, helps keep me balanced. The blogs have lit the path and revealed from the get go that this journey is neither straight nor narrow, but convoluted and at times repetitive. I only hope that I have helped half as much as I have been helped.
Today, I was trying to think that I should be grateful about Serenity. I don't think I am totally there yet. I am glad I had her in my life, and that I enjoyed our time together. I am glad to have felt her move in my belly, and to see Triple S so happy. To me, though, I don't think grateful is really the word, and certainly does not suit the situation as a whole. I love and miss her more than I can bear. I feel privileged to know such love and robbed to have lost her.
This year, I cleaned the shelf around Serenity's spot, gardened a bit, and took a nap. I did not want to have a taste of my favorite foods, which I normally eat once per year, in my mouth. I didn't want to celebrate.
But I am grateful for many things:
Triple S, my dear hubby, best friend, companion, confidant. The guy who understands me, and whom I (mostly) understand. He understands why I don't want to celebrate my favorite holiday in the normal manner. We've made a nice life together: we've got a house, a dog, a cat, two cars, and high speed internet. All good.
A couple of my doctors. I figure I better be grateful now, and maybe things will work out next time with the dream team helping us out.
You, the folks on the other side of my blog. This place helps me stay sane and get it all out. Reading your words, whether comments or on your blog, helps keep me balanced. The blogs have lit the path and revealed from the get go that this journey is neither straight nor narrow, but convoluted and at times repetitive. I only hope that I have helped half as much as I have been helped.
Today, I was trying to think that I should be grateful about Serenity. I don't think I am totally there yet. I am glad I had her in my life, and that I enjoyed our time together. I am glad to have felt her move in my belly, and to see Triple S so happy. To me, though, I don't think grateful is really the word, and certainly does not suit the situation as a whole. I love and miss her more than I can bear. I feel privileged to know such love and robbed to have lost her.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Avoiding Miscarriage Book
Dear internets-
Can anyone recommend a book on:
1. Tracking cycles (my cycle is perhaps too long)
2. Preventing miscarriage
that you read and thought was informative?
I can search amazon but can't decide...
I am tired of looking up websites.
thanks
Can anyone recommend a book on:
1. Tracking cycles (my cycle is perhaps too long)
2. Preventing miscarriage
that you read and thought was informative?
I can search amazon but can't decide...
I am tired of looking up websites.
thanks
Not a good idea
It was not a good idea to skip going to the grocery store Tuesday and to instead go this afternoon right before my evening class. I am teaching microbiology and wanted to show the students examples of some foods that contain microorganisms (think yogurt, blue cheese, kombucha). Not a good idea.
It was not a good idea to have to go to the local whole foods store that is in the middle of the metro area at the intersection of two of the busiest local highways when half of the largest highway is closed. The DOTs sign proudly proclaims that there are only "13 months and 4 days" left until construction is over. Not a good idea for them to have that sign up.
It was not a good idea to be thinking about your dead baby, the one who should be smiling at you in the rear view mirror, when you are stuck in the nightmare traffic on the day before a holiday you are trying to ignore. Not a good idea.
It was not a good idea to change from your normal 'classic rock' station during a commercial to the "best mix of the classics and the latest from today" when you are sitting in traffic and can actually listen to the lyrics.
And the song "With Arms Wide Open" comes on, and although you have heard it before on those few occassions when you aren't listening to the 'classics', but now that you are bored sitting in this god awful traffic it is definetly not a good idea to pay attention to these lyrics and to realize that it is about a rocker finding out he is about to become a father, that he 'created life' and all the wonderful things he wants to teach his kid. Not a good idea.
It is not a good idea to start crying while you are trying to drive in bumper to bumper highway traffic with a bunch of out of town drives that don't know what freakin lane they needed to get into about 2 miles back so that you can go to the grocery store just before going to stand up in front and teach a bunch of college students.
Not a good idea.
It was not a good idea to have to go to the local whole foods store that is in the middle of the metro area at the intersection of two of the busiest local highways when half of the largest highway is closed. The DOTs sign proudly proclaims that there are only "13 months and 4 days" left until construction is over. Not a good idea for them to have that sign up.
It was not a good idea to be thinking about your dead baby, the one who should be smiling at you in the rear view mirror, when you are stuck in the nightmare traffic on the day before a holiday you are trying to ignore. Not a good idea.
It was not a good idea to change from your normal 'classic rock' station during a commercial to the "best mix of the classics and the latest from today" when you are sitting in traffic and can actually listen to the lyrics.
And the song "With Arms Wide Open" comes on, and although you have heard it before on those few occassions when you aren't listening to the 'classics', but now that you are bored sitting in this god awful traffic it is definetly not a good idea to pay attention to these lyrics and to realize that it is about a rocker finding out he is about to become a father, that he 'created life' and all the wonderful things he wants to teach his kid. Not a good idea.
It is not a good idea to start crying while you are trying to drive in bumper to bumper highway traffic with a bunch of out of town drives that don't know what freakin lane they needed to get into about 2 miles back so that you can go to the grocery store just before going to stand up in front and teach a bunch of college students.
Not a good idea.
Friday, November 21, 2008
The electorate
The soccer mom
The security mom
The hockey mom
The stay-at-home mom
The MILF
The WAHM
The deadbabymom
The stay-at-home deadbabymom.
It's a select few, but perhaps we should be wooed as voters.
Or perhaps not. No politician would be able to say anything to please us.
The security mom
The hockey mom
The stay-at-home mom
The MILF
The WAHM
The deadbabymom
The stay-at-home deadbabymom.
It's a select few, but perhaps we should be wooed as voters.
Or perhaps not. No politician would be able to say anything to please us.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
End of yet another chapter
Serenity has been gone longer than she was with us.
Eight weeks after the D&C, I finally had a visit from AF.
Almost 9 weeks after the D&C we received the genetic results. Macadamia was a chromosomally normal little girl. (How do I know that they didn’t just get me?)
The nurse recommended high Folic acid (Folgard), baby aspirin, and prenatals for the next go-around.
Do we risk it and not go for the heparin? I was able to keep a pregnancy before (Serenity). I think that maybe the problem for Macadamia was that it was just too soon after a full term pregnancy. Maybe my body will get it right after a few more cycles. I still want to wait and let my body recoup. I think I have only had 3 cycles in the last 18 months.
Has anyone tried or heard of FolaPro? Instead of taking high folic acid, this is the metabolizable form (5-methyl tetrahydrofolate) that one can use directly if they are MTHFR mutant.
Eight weeks after the D&C, I finally had a visit from AF.
Almost 9 weeks after the D&C we received the genetic results. Macadamia was a chromosomally normal little girl. (How do I know that they didn’t just get me?)
The nurse recommended high Folic acid (Folgard), baby aspirin, and prenatals for the next go-around.
Do we risk it and not go for the heparin? I was able to keep a pregnancy before (Serenity). I think that maybe the problem for Macadamia was that it was just too soon after a full term pregnancy. Maybe my body will get it right after a few more cycles. I still want to wait and let my body recoup. I think I have only had 3 cycles in the last 18 months.
Has anyone tried or heard of FolaPro? Instead of taking high folic acid, this is the metabolizable form (5-methyl tetrahydrofolate) that one can use directly if they are MTHFR mutant.
Monday, November 17, 2008
This time last year 2
I must have been working out in the yard. That's our little dogwood tree in the back. I guess this is around six months. The leaves are mostly gone now, this year.
.::.
I woke up with a sore throat this morning. Ugh.
Back in the day
Back in the day, I was a hot, totally-career-oriented, never-gonna-get-married chica at 19...now I don't know what I am...an overweight stay-at-home housewife with no kids approaching 33?
I'd tell the old (young) me to live life more slowly and enjoy it, don't rush to get to the future, because the future is not ensured; and I'd also tell her that if she wants to have kids to decide so earlier, because delivering a live baby after 39 weeks of growing is not ensured either.
I'd tell the old (young) me to live life more slowly and enjoy it, don't rush to get to the future, because the future is not ensured; and I'd also tell her that if she wants to have kids to decide so earlier, because delivering a live baby after 39 weeks of growing is not ensured either.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
On death and love
I have learned that deadbabymamas have uncut hair and unclean teeth (the comments are great). No wonder no one wants to be around us! Here, I thought it was the awkward conversations and raw emotions.
***
We watched the movie 'Atonement' last night. Our neighbors know that we have been trying to watch 'happy' movies lately, so when they saw me this morning and I told them, they were like "that movie is brutal". (Spoiler alert) Well, I actually didn't think it was THAT sad. At least both of them got to die. No one had to be the one left to live. (well, except the sister).
***
It's pretty bad when your perspective is that a movie about betrayal, war, death, and guilt is not really heart wrenching.
***
Lately Triple S and I have really only wanted to be with each other. In some ways, I feel like we have fallen in love again, and are experiencing that 'honeymoon' period; where nothing is as important as the other and other people are only intrusions on your emotions. I guess we have fallen further.
Of course, this is not a romantic time, but it is deeply emotional. I have come to appreciate Triple S in new ways. We have each been patient with the other, like nothing I would have ever imagined.
We made brunch and baked an apple pie this morning, and I was just happy to be with him. Together, doing mundane tasks, peeling apples to peel apples.
We need some 'together time' to clean the house. Too bad he is at futbol, I don't think I can clean the house by myself ;)
(Te lele, babe)
***
We watched the movie 'Atonement' last night. Our neighbors know that we have been trying to watch 'happy' movies lately, so when they saw me this morning and I told them, they were like "that movie is brutal". (Spoiler alert) Well, I actually didn't think it was THAT sad. At least both of them got to die. No one had to be the one left to live. (well, except the sister).
***
It's pretty bad when your perspective is that a movie about betrayal, war, death, and guilt is not really heart wrenching.
***
Lately Triple S and I have really only wanted to be with each other. In some ways, I feel like we have fallen in love again, and are experiencing that 'honeymoon' period; where nothing is as important as the other and other people are only intrusions on your emotions. I guess we have fallen further.
Of course, this is not a romantic time, but it is deeply emotional. I have come to appreciate Triple S in new ways. We have each been patient with the other, like nothing I would have ever imagined.
We made brunch and baked an apple pie this morning, and I was just happy to be with him. Together, doing mundane tasks, peeling apples to peel apples.
We need some 'together time' to clean the house. Too bad he is at futbol, I don't think I can clean the house by myself ;)
(Te lele, babe)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Lately 2
I'm sad.
I'm bored.
I'm unmotivated.
I'm not interested in killing time.
I'm hungry.
I'm lazy.
I think I might be broken.
Grief. The gift that keeps on giving.
I'm bored.
I'm unmotivated.
I'm not interested in killing time.
I'm hungry.
I'm lazy.
I think I might be broken.
Grief. The gift that keeps on giving.
The last act
I finally went to my old hairdresser. The last time I went to her I was very close to my due date. After Serenity died, I just couldn't face her. My sis came for a visit and insisted that I got a haircut, and found me someplace to go. I went to this new place probably three times. I just knew I couldn't face my hairdresser, because I knew what she would ask.
I went today. 'So, you been busy with the baby?'
'No baby.'
'What?'
'She didn't make it.'
And I cried. Poor lady.
I think this is really the last person to find out that my pregnancy did not end with a screaming, kicking baby.
My hairdresser is a young lady, maybe 40s, has a teenage daughter and a grandson. Her daughter got pregnant young too. Healthy babies all around. I don't know if that girl knows she is lucky or not.
However, I am glad to be back to quality haircuts.
I went today. 'So, you been busy with the baby?'
'No baby.'
'What?'
'She didn't make it.'
And I cried. Poor lady.
I think this is really the last person to find out that my pregnancy did not end with a screaming, kicking baby.
My hairdresser is a young lady, maybe 40s, has a teenage daughter and a grandson. Her daughter got pregnant young too. Healthy babies all around. I don't know if that girl knows she is lucky or not.
However, I am glad to be back to quality haircuts.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I need a personal assistant
Can I just tell you that it is so not cool to get lost in the phone jungle of the hospital, to be there for the better part of my day, and still not be able to find out if the genetic results are back following the D & C?
Not cool.
Not cool.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Mexico
It was a busy weekend for Google Reader. Sorry I didn't make timely comments all around. Weekends have been slow lately, so I hadn't checked... must be the colder weather.
I have been really busy. I am working on Saturdays now, and trying to avoid the computer on Sundays so that my hands can rest. They were really sore and stiff yesterday.
I have had all kinds of slights and hurtful comments coming at me from all directions. I am just tired of them bothering me and tired of complaining about them.
Suffice it to say, people think stillborn babies are disgusting, and that I am so lucky that I am not tied down by my baby and can thus take a vacation. Ugh.
Overall, I am feeling better and better. Some of it is probably election euphoria, some of it is time, some of it trying not to think about reproducing and where we are on that. However, I am gaining weight and not exercising. Ugh.
I will be quite happy when this class I am teaching is over. Major time suck and the students don't seem to be holding up their end of the bargain.
Triple S is super excited about the Mexico trip. I am sure that is buoying us as well.
Mexico!!
I have been really busy. I am working on Saturdays now, and trying to avoid the computer on Sundays so that my hands can rest. They were really sore and stiff yesterday.
I have had all kinds of slights and hurtful comments coming at me from all directions. I am just tired of them bothering me and tired of complaining about them.
Suffice it to say, people think stillborn babies are disgusting, and that I am so lucky that I am not tied down by my baby and can thus take a vacation. Ugh.
Overall, I am feeling better and better. Some of it is probably election euphoria, some of it is time, some of it trying not to think about reproducing and where we are on that. However, I am gaining weight and not exercising. Ugh.
I will be quite happy when this class I am teaching is over. Major time suck and the students don't seem to be holding up their end of the bargain.
Triple S is super excited about the Mexico trip. I am sure that is buoying us as well.
Mexico!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
I strongly dislike winter
Today is cold and dropping. Well, maybe 50 with a wind that goes through ya. And I didn't have a coat or gloves. But it just reminded me of how much I strongly dislike winter. This is why I went to grad school in FL. Now I can 'enjoy' four season here in the midwest. blah. And it is getting dark early. Double blah.
I just finished reading Mistborn, which, if I remember correctly, was recommended by Mr. Spit. Loved it! Now I have to wait for book 2 to come in mail....
At least the entry hall where I work at the botanic has a fireplace - can't wait til we can crank that sucker on.
I just finished reading Mistborn, which, if I remember correctly, was recommended by Mr. Spit. Loved it! Now I have to wait for book 2 to come in mail....
At least the entry hall where I work at the botanic has a fireplace - can't wait til we can crank that sucker on.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Election
Yay!
I am the happiest and most hopeful I have been for awhile.
Eight years of W. was like I remembered the Reagan years when I was an elementary school student. There was always this background fear of the communists attacking us, of economic hardships for the average person that was waiting for the trickle down from the top. It's scary how similar these last eight years have been - operating on a campaign of fear and helplessness, that only the government can protect us from unseen 'others' out there.
Everyone talks about how Obama is African-American. He is half white. Like Serenity would have been.
I watch the Colbert Report fairly often, and I always loved the skits about how Colbert had black friends and was 'colorblind' (the irony). I don't like the hype that Obama got elected (I was VERY worried however) despite his 'color'. He is an educated, intelligent person from a regular background who has a can-do attitude. He seems honest and has a normal family life. Education, hard work, fidelity, and acceptance of others, those are some of my ideals.
Pundits talk about the colorblindness of today's youth (I suppose they mean urban/suburban youth- cause there's still no black people out in most of the midwestern or central PA countryside). But if they make such a big deal about it, that's not really being colorblind, is it? I think it's great that the struggles of the civil rights era has made this possible. But things like race-based affirmative action and pundits still keep the color in the spotlight. I think it is amazing that a guy from a middle class family got into harvard and worked in low(er) paying jobs, was not a rich person (at least until his book), and still got elected.
To me, the differences in this country should be drawn across socio-economic lines, not race. I grew up out in white-folk country and now live in a diverse city (although still quite segregated). I probably never could live in my hoemtown again, esp with the nonwhite Triple S. I don't think I could live near here, in the outer suburbs. I had to go there once and was actually weirded out when I realized I didn't see any black folks.
I hope for better things for the young girls that get pregnant just like their mom did, no matter their color. It happens in all races. The poor are similar no matter their race or whether they live in the city or live in the country. I guess my point is that I have lived in both areas and I believe it is an economic issue, an issue of role models and being able to see that you can live your life differently, and an issue of educational and job opportunity. It's also cultural. Do the parents challenge their children, or discourage them? Are the children supported or or degraded? Are the children taught that they can make a difference, or are they uninspired and kept occupied by entertainment, drugs, and anger? (Drugs are a large part of country-culture too- I saw it growing up and you can see it now in the meth boom).
What I see is that the politics have managed to divide the poor into poor, urban 'minorities' and poor, country whites. If only these two poor groups could get together and demand less greed from the true minority (the rich 1-5%). I think if they could see past those things that are used to keep them apart ( race and hiphop vs country western culture type things) they would find that they have a lot more in common, and common struggles and common oppressors.
I also think that a major problem in our country is the prevailing anti-intellectualism. This is perhaps the scariest thing I see. It is deeply cultural and is a part of America. Electing a 'C' president is part of this ant-intellectualism.
If not seeing race is 'colorblindness', what is not judging someone by their sexual orientation?? I don't really care who you are sleeping with, as long as you are honest, true and caring and have respect for both the other and yourself in the relationship. Because I belive these are factors in making a nice world.
Do these thought make me some kind of socialist or something?
I am the happiest and most hopeful I have been for awhile.
Eight years of W. was like I remembered the Reagan years when I was an elementary school student. There was always this background fear of the communists attacking us, of economic hardships for the average person that was waiting for the trickle down from the top. It's scary how similar these last eight years have been - operating on a campaign of fear and helplessness, that only the government can protect us from unseen 'others' out there.
Everyone talks about how Obama is African-American. He is half white. Like Serenity would have been.
I watch the Colbert Report fairly often, and I always loved the skits about how Colbert had black friends and was 'colorblind' (the irony). I don't like the hype that Obama got elected (I was VERY worried however) despite his 'color'. He is an educated, intelligent person from a regular background who has a can-do attitude. He seems honest and has a normal family life. Education, hard work, fidelity, and acceptance of others, those are some of my ideals.
Pundits talk about the colorblindness of today's youth (I suppose they mean urban/suburban youth- cause there's still no black people out in most of the midwestern or central PA countryside). But if they make such a big deal about it, that's not really being colorblind, is it? I think it's great that the struggles of the civil rights era has made this possible. But things like race-based affirmative action and pundits still keep the color in the spotlight. I think it is amazing that a guy from a middle class family got into harvard and worked in low(er) paying jobs, was not a rich person (at least until his book), and still got elected.
To me, the differences in this country should be drawn across socio-economic lines, not race. I grew up out in white-folk country and now live in a diverse city (although still quite segregated). I probably never could live in my hoemtown again, esp with the nonwhite Triple S. I don't think I could live near here, in the outer suburbs. I had to go there once and was actually weirded out when I realized I didn't see any black folks.
I hope for better things for the young girls that get pregnant just like their mom did, no matter their color. It happens in all races. The poor are similar no matter their race or whether they live in the city or live in the country. I guess my point is that I have lived in both areas and I believe it is an economic issue, an issue of role models and being able to see that you can live your life differently, and an issue of educational and job opportunity. It's also cultural. Do the parents challenge their children, or discourage them? Are the children supported or or degraded? Are the children taught that they can make a difference, or are they uninspired and kept occupied by entertainment, drugs, and anger? (Drugs are a large part of country-culture too- I saw it growing up and you can see it now in the meth boom).
What I see is that the politics have managed to divide the poor into poor, urban 'minorities' and poor, country whites. If only these two poor groups could get together and demand less greed from the true minority (the rich 1-5%). I think if they could see past those things that are used to keep them apart ( race and hiphop vs country western culture type things) they would find that they have a lot more in common, and common struggles and common oppressors.
I also think that a major problem in our country is the prevailing anti-intellectualism. This is perhaps the scariest thing I see. It is deeply cultural and is a part of America. Electing a 'C' president is part of this ant-intellectualism.
If not seeing race is 'colorblindness', what is not judging someone by their sexual orientation?? I don't really care who you are sleeping with, as long as you are honest, true and caring and have respect for both the other and yourself in the relationship. Because I belive these are factors in making a nice world.
Do these thought make me some kind of socialist or something?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I work from home
The HVAC guy asked how many kids I have, cause ya know, I work from home. So I must have kids.
Then he offered me his kids.
Why do people think this clever?
I work from home, I have no boss, and I love it. I also have no office drama, no annoying co-workers blah blah blahing and I can go play in my garden on nice days like yesterday (after I got my work done, of course).
In related news, I just started a job two days a week at the local botanic garden. I work at the gardening help desk, am responsible for opening and closing the building and corralling (and making the coffee for) the volunteers. It is very low stress and low responsibility (although I have responsibilities it is nothing like working at the science bench). I am so happy at this job: I get paid to go out and take pictures of plants to put on our website. C'mon, what is not to love?
When Triple S picked me up from work on Saturday, I am tallking his ear off at rapid fire rates. And I said, "I don't know why I am so happy at this job". Triple S is very wise. He said it is because:
1. I am no longer working in science, a field that overworks, underpays and underappreciates. Scientists like to give cold pricklies to their underlings. My new coworkers are actually human - warm and kind and not balls of stress and anxiety.
2. I have a job that is my hobby.
3. I get to talk to other people about my hobby all day. All the volunteers are expereinced gardeners (most are retired, so have many years of experience) and they love to talk about their gardens. I have learned a lot in four weeks. And when I told the one staff member that I was frustrated because I didn't have everything down yet, he said not to worry, it would take me a year! A year! Gad, I wouldn't have a year in science to figure out how to run an agarose gel or digest a plasmid.
So anyway, I am super happy about this new job. Some of the volunteers are more long-winded than others, but I only see some of them for 2.5 hrs once every month. That is the kind of 'coworker' I can handle.
The only down side is that I am stretched pretty thin this semester, with teaching microbiology, editing manuscripts, working at the garden, working on upteen half-started house projects, facing a possible move this summer, dreaming about new garden projects, trying to keep the house straight, two quilts that are cut, but no sewing commenced, and planning our trip to Mexico. Oh and that whole deadbabymama thing and Triple S all impatient to start again.
This was supposed to be a short post regarding the HVAC guy.
Then he offered me his kids.
Why do people think this clever?
I work from home, I have no boss, and I love it. I also have no office drama, no annoying co-workers blah blah blahing and I can go play in my garden on nice days like yesterday (after I got my work done, of course).
In related news, I just started a job two days a week at the local botanic garden. I work at the gardening help desk, am responsible for opening and closing the building and corralling (and making the coffee for) the volunteers. It is very low stress and low responsibility (although I have responsibilities it is nothing like working at the science bench). I am so happy at this job: I get paid to go out and take pictures of plants to put on our website. C'mon, what is not to love?
When Triple S picked me up from work on Saturday, I am tallking his ear off at rapid fire rates. And I said, "I don't know why I am so happy at this job". Triple S is very wise. He said it is because:
1. I am no longer working in science, a field that overworks, underpays and underappreciates. Scientists like to give cold pricklies to their underlings. My new coworkers are actually human - warm and kind and not balls of stress and anxiety.
2. I have a job that is my hobby.
3. I get to talk to other people about my hobby all day. All the volunteers are expereinced gardeners (most are retired, so have many years of experience) and they love to talk about their gardens. I have learned a lot in four weeks. And when I told the one staff member that I was frustrated because I didn't have everything down yet, he said not to worry, it would take me a year! A year! Gad, I wouldn't have a year in science to figure out how to run an agarose gel or digest a plasmid.
So anyway, I am super happy about this new job. Some of the volunteers are more long-winded than others, but I only see some of them for 2.5 hrs once every month. That is the kind of 'coworker' I can handle.
The only down side is that I am stretched pretty thin this semester, with teaching microbiology, editing manuscripts, working at the garden, working on upteen half-started house projects, facing a possible move this summer, dreaming about new garden projects, trying to keep the house straight, two quilts that are cut, but no sewing commenced, and planning our trip to Mexico. Oh and that whole deadbabymama thing and Triple S all impatient to start again.
This was supposed to be a short post regarding the HVAC guy.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Post-holiday wrap up #1
Friday nite, Triple S planned to drive about 45 min to go out for Mexican. I guess he figured that would give us enough time to avoid all the cute trick-or-treaters.
When we were almost ready, I peaked through the front door's small window and caught a glimpse of the girl from the end of the block in an outfit with fairy wings. That was enough to send me to promptly put on my shoes and head out the door. I think that gal was born shortly after Serenity. I don't really know.
The unexpected boon from the holidays? The pics from friends...
I was torn between seeing the neighborhood kids in their outfits and running and hiding. I like them for all their own unique kidnesses. I like seeing my friend's kids dressed up and enjoying life. And it only pangs a wee tiny bit. But avoidance strategies do in theory have their advantages....
On Halloween we did light a candle, maybe to help Serenity to find us, maybe just because. It is the same candle we burned on Oct 15. It has a unique fragrance and burns very slowly. I think we will use it whenever we want to feel close to her, to feel her presence in the room: a call to memory.
Even though we can avoid celebrating and avoid our friends, we can not truly avoid the holidays. Triple S lost it as we lay in bed. "Why? We would have taken good care of her...why?"
I'm sorry babe, to that I have no answer.
When we were almost ready, I peaked through the front door's small window and caught a glimpse of the girl from the end of the block in an outfit with fairy wings. That was enough to send me to promptly put on my shoes and head out the door. I think that gal was born shortly after Serenity. I don't really know.
The unexpected boon from the holidays? The pics from friends...
I was torn between seeing the neighborhood kids in their outfits and running and hiding. I like them for all their own unique kidnesses. I like seeing my friend's kids dressed up and enjoying life. And it only pangs a wee tiny bit. But avoidance strategies do in theory have their advantages....
On Halloween we did light a candle, maybe to help Serenity to find us, maybe just because. It is the same candle we burned on Oct 15. It has a unique fragrance and burns very slowly. I think we will use it whenever we want to feel close to her, to feel her presence in the room: a call to memory.
Even though we can avoid celebrating and avoid our friends, we can not truly avoid the holidays. Triple S lost it as we lay in bed. "Why? We would have taken good care of her...why?"
I'm sorry babe, to that I have no answer.
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