Today is the first day that it's just been Bea and me since the beginning of March.
In two weeks, Bea took six flights. We went to CA to meet her great-grandmother, who doesn't speak English. We stayed at a hotel, but saw her for the better part of two days.
Then we accompanied Triple S on two second interviews. We will be moving in August. I think the negotiations will be wrapped up this week, so it will be settled as to where we are moving (warm place, warm place...)
At the one interview, we were 'wined and dined' two nights in a row at 7 pm. Bea goes to bed at 6:30.... But she managed.
Numerous people commented on how 'good' she was on the plane and out at the restaurants. It makes me cringe. It's not like anyone did anything to 'make her good' and 'make her behave'. We just got lucky. And meltdowns were averted by nursing or distracting or hugging or just letting her fuss some time.
But I cringe at this labeling. Would she be 'bad' if she were crying. Yes, it is unpleasant, and I wouldn't want her to be crying for an entire 4 hour flight. Sure, it would be a bit nerve-wracking for me, esp with the added pressure of annoying people, but mostly because I wouldn't want her to be suffering for that time. If she is crying, there is SOMETHING wrong.
I have started reading some parenting blogs, none that I want to recommend to others yet, because some posts are god and some are off. Most of the blogs are too wordy (coming from me, the queen of brevity), but really, if your target audience is parents of young children...
But I am really into not labeling and not over praising. I have pretty much stopped using good job, because I was saying it all the time! Now I just smile at Bea, and I can see that she is happy when she accomplishes something. Like today, she spent a total of at least two hours putting balls into a tissue box and taking the back out. And checking that there were in the box. And shaking the rattly balls. Do I really need to encourage her and tell her 'good job' everytime she takes the ball out? Nope.
And when she cooperates in getting dressed, I thank her, instead of praising her. I think thank you recognizes her effort and expresses the emotion I feel, rather than putting the emphasis on her 'performance'. I don't know, is it a subtle difference?
***
With this move coming up (and the craziness that will be the next four months) I am beginning to wonder what I will do when Bea goes to school. I don't know that I will want to do my freelance editing full time. I am thinking about a couple retail options, but that will depend on the market we move into. I thought about having a farm, but I think the commute will be too long for Triple S. But we will rent for a year so that we can choose a good house and neighborhood.
That's the update from our recently very busy life now turned to hopefully kinda boring.
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8 comments:
Love this update. Little Bea sounds amazing. By the way, I did that thank you thing with my Bea, and it really was ubereffective.
The "good job" thing makes me laugh, as it is such an American saying and I hear so many of you saying it all the time, it is just not something we say. But oh I know, there are lots of things we say that must make you guys laugh!
I think you're so right though, we need to ditch the labels. Angus probably would have been the kid screaming on the plane or in the restaurant, but like you we don't feel we really did anything to caus that, we just got "unlucky" in a way. That's just who he is.
Still, I'm glad she put on her best behaviour for you! Always makes it easier out in public when you have judging eyes on you.
xo
Nothing much to say expect isn't this age so fun :) I love watching the little wheels turning in their heads. i do say Good Job but not all the time, only the first time she accomplishes something she has been working hard at. Like last night she stabbed her cheese with a fork and ate it, first time she managed that and so Dave and I both stopped and said Great job baby and clapped our hands, she was so proud she was grinning ear to ear and then started clapping with us. It's so awesome to watch her develop and learn every day, I love it so much. We are so fortunate to have these blessed little beings in our lives.
Also, good luck with the move :)
The "good baby" gets to me, too.
Glad you made it through the month! I wish you a pleasantly uneventful April, and hope you all have time to catch your breath a little.
Another hater of the phrase 'good' baby, as though there could ever be a 'bad' one!
The thanking option makes sense to me. I found myself saying 'clever girl' endlessly and also, the vast majority of the time, J is following her own little schemes and dreams rather than hoping for praise from me. Couldn't care less if I was there watching or not most of the time! Bea sounds like a lady with her own agenda too!
Hope you find somewhere lovely and warm to relocate to.
You're right the "good job" thing is entirely unnecessary and ends up making the kids wonder if they're not doing a good job if they don't get praised.. Trust me my parents did that to me (not on purpose) and I still wonder if I'm not good enough unless someone else praises my efforts. It's sad really. And yet I still do it with Skyler without thinking! I hate that I'm perpetuating it, so I need to make a better effort.
I do the "good job" far too often too.
Good luck with the move and all, such a busy time for you.
Sending love.
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