What does one do two years to the date of the delivery of your already dead daughter?
Is it really a day different from any other?
The missing is there every day.
Perhaps today the regret that things didn't go differently is more in the forefront.
So far, we've slept in, I skipped work, and we ate breakfast. I am choosing a cake recipe and we will go to the gym.
Where is the wailing and gnashing of teeth?
I have a feeling that no one is going to really acknowledge this day. My MIL already emailed me today and made no mention, and she was the one that I thought would. Therefore, I guess it is only my mind that holds onto these dates.
There will be (ok, is) crying, and aching, and talking to beanie.
Because I can't even imagine what a two-year-old Serenity would look or act like.
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She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Serenity Joy almost made it into this world alive, but almost doesn't count. Her little sister did make it.
When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present -- love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure -- the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
She almost made it
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Who, Where?
- March 2010 - Beanie makes it
- July 2009 - BFP
- December 12, 2008 - We finally take our 'honeymoon' vacation
- September 18, 2008 - D & C
- Septermber 12, 2008 - no heartbeat
- August 27, 2008 - 'indeterminate' u/s
- August 17, 2008 BFP - Double holy freakout!
- June 30, 2008 - Official last day of employment with stupevisor
- February 13, 2008 - Serenity's due date
- February 6, 2008 - Serenity is delivered
- It's a girl!
- June 11, 2007 - BFP - holy freakout!
- April 2007 - 'Hey, let's stop trying to not get pregnant'
- July 2003 - We move to the Midwest
- May 25, 2002 - Our third and final wedding
- December 23, 2001 - Our second wedding
- December 13, 2001 - Our first wedding
- August 1998 - Triple S and Ya Chun meet
She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
25 comments:
"The missing is there every day"
Perfectly put.
I'm thinking about you and Serenity today and every day.
xxx
I have a hard time imagining my babies growing up. I always envision them as I last saw them, teeny tiny- not as the 2, 3 and 8 yr olds that they'd be now.
Thinking of Serenity today.
Two years is kind of an odd, difficult anniversary. We didn't do much to mark the day.
Thinking of you, Triple S and Serenity, today and always.
Two years - so hard to believe.
Thinking of you and remembering your precious first born daughter.
xo
I do think the people on our lives remember they just don't know how to voice it.
Remembering Serenity with you xxx
sending lots of love your way taday and always. Two years...it's just hard always.
Grow little beanie.
Thinking of you and remembering Serenity with you.
Two years. It's forever and yet it's the blink of an eye. The worst part of it for me was the realizing it was always going to be a part of my life. I knew it before but it just became so clear to me then, that it was not to be gotten over but to be lived with, forever.
xxoo
(((Hugs)))
Thinking of you, Triple S and Serenity.
*hugs* remembering Serenity and holding you all close today
Yeah, the anniversaries - one year, two year, and beyond. I've wondered that myself: what do I do with this day? How is it different from any other? I always feel this weird compulsion to do something...I don't know...ritually or cosmic-y on those days, just something to honor my loved one lost. But I find that it's hard for me to conjure up feelings when I'm really trying to, like on anniversaries. Those feelings come more at unexpected random times. And yeah - I've given up hoping others will remember those days.
Thinking of you & Serenity. (((hugs)))
It doesn't go away, does it.
I was remembering with you today.
Wrapping the whole family in love today & sending you much support....Two.
Happy birthday Serenity, you are deeply missed.
Thinking of your family. Happy (belated by a couple hours) birthday, sweet Serenity.
thinking of you and remembering Serenity. I can't imagine my daughter at 2 either. :( They are our forever babes.
xx
Thining of you and Serenity...
I remember, Ya Chun. I remember. XO.
Remembering Serenity with you.
Thinking of you and Triple S.
((hugs)) Remembering with you.
That makes sense. It's heartbreaking, but it makes sense.
Thinking of you all.
I felt the same way...at 2 years, with his sister in my belly..it was oddly ok...it was like way easier then 1 year..I couldn't even begin to imagine what he might be doing at 2...we just visited his grave and felt his distance from us.
I am fast approaching two years as well. I remember the first year, I was waiting for the wailing and the despair but there was nothing. It was just another day without him.
I've never been able to see him as anything other than the tiny baby he was...I cant imagine him at 2.
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