Monthly post

It seems I am not posting that often....

I have been busy. My freelance business has been steady lately, so all of Beanie's naptime goes to mama making money, and, sadly, not blogging.

I am feeling much healthier lately too. I am going to the gym three days a week. I was going four, but Bea gets very fussy at the tot watch. The classes are timed during her nap or something. We stayed at home for a week, not going to the gym in the morning, and I tried to figure out what it is that she needs at 10 -11 am, and I don't actually exactly know! She's kinda fussy, kinda sleepy. Not hungry. So, I started back to the gym. I think she is getting better, she watches the other kids play more now. The other two days, one is for walking around the park and one is for running errands.

I've lost about 20 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'd like to loose another 15-17 lbs - hopefully I can do that over the winter.

I baked my first loaf of bread for the season. Fall is here! Fresh baked bread - not good for the weight-losing. But oh so yummy.

More so than just losing weight, I feel healthier. The chiropractic adjustments I get every three weeks are the main reason for that (this is down from 2x per week!!). My back has been really locked up for over a decade. I should have gotten chiro looong time ago. Who knew?!?!? I really couldn't exercise because I was in so much pain. Now I have much better range of motion. My back and hips feel stronger and more stable.

I am glad to say that I am off my meds from my post-partum psychosis. Yes, as if having a dead baby is not enough fun for a lifetime, I had a major post-partum episode after Beanie was born. I spent 3 or 4 days in the hospital, separated from my little girl, feeling rather traumatized.

Beanie is doing well and is the light of my life (sorry Triple S). She just turned six months last week. We took her for portraits - they turned out better than I expected!

After seeing Beanie's pictures, I decided that I want to get some pictures for Serenity's third birthday.  We have a crystal butterfly - I was thinking to put that on a stand with three flowers, and have Beanie looking at it - not at the camera. Is that weird?

When I actually pause long enough to think about how old Serenity would be, it boggles my mind. A two-and-a-half year old? Wow. And then I think, when do I want to try for another? How close all these pregnancies have been/will maybe be. Then, I think, do I even want to risk trying for another. What if it doesn't happen, what if something bad happens. To even dare to think about it feels risky.

Beanie fascinates me. I just watch her, and most everything she does is *amazing*! I want her to feel loved and supported, but I guess I have to watch myself. I think this 'attachment parenting' stuff really works. I feel really attached to Bea!

Oh, wait, the kid is supposed to feel attached to me? Oh, it's the other way around? Hmph. Well, I have to say, I think it's working both ways. I have to tell you two things that she does now (they're *amazing*). When I come to her and put my hands out and say 'Come to mama?' She either waves her arms and kicks her legs really excitedly or just puts her hand up to me. I had no idea kids did this at six months, but the  first time she responded like this I thought it was a fluke. But she keeps doing it - and I think it is just wonderful and cute and makes me feel loved. The other thing she does: When I pick her up, especially if she really really wants to be picked up, she throws her free arm around my neck and pulls in really tightly. If this isn't a hug, I don't know what is. I am totally addicted.

Next time, I'll post about what has me a bit bummed out. I write this not to tease, but to make me come back and post sooner rather than later....