I was just looking at my most recent FaceBook profile pic.
I look happy.
It's a good look on me.
***
Inside is still a turmoil, at least at one point each day. The grief from missing Serenity, the grief from my hospitalization.
Regrets.
Today, I tried to think of something from over the course of my life that I do NOT regret. Something that I can think that I did right.
I can honestly say I do not regret never having tried drugs. I don't know exactly why I never did. I used to say that I was the one kid that the 'eggs in the frying pan' commercial worked on.
And after seeing how I reacted to the narcotics during Serenity's delivery and the steroids prior to Bea's induction, I'd say its a good thing I never tried drugs. It seems my system is so finely balanced, or perhaps precariously balanced on the edge, that I react quite badly to these types of drugs.
So that's one non-regret stacked up against a litany of regrets that plays on a loop in my head.
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3 comments:
I don't regret becoming a mom at 21. Or refusing the tests they said I should have to see if my child would have special needs. And I don't regret not trying drugs either. Honestly I've gotten a natural high so many times in life from just being so amazed with the beauty that is in life sometimes, I don't think drugs could ever compare.
I think there is more water in that glass than what you are noticing :)
Happy is a good look. I'm glad you get to wear it, even if it comes with grief accessories.
That frying pan ad worked on me, too. I thought I was being oh-so-bad when I smoked a clove cigarette.
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