As I was catching up on others' posts, I read that having children is about letting them go.
It's been two years and five months since Serenity died. These last five months I am letting Serenity go more and more. As the strangle-hold that grief has on me slowly slackens, I am also able to let the memory of Serenity come and go without pangs of dread, deep sorrow, or guilt. I think of her, but the thoughts are not so intrusive or gut-wrenching as they once were.
Even though Serenity is dead, I still have to practice this truism of parenting. I must let her go off on her own.
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She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Serenity Joy almost made it into this world alive, but almost doesn't count. Her little sister did make it.
When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present -- love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure -- the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
She almost made it
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Who, Where?
- March 2010 - Beanie makes it
- July 2009 - BFP
- December 12, 2008 - We finally take our 'honeymoon' vacation
- September 18, 2008 - D & C
- Septermber 12, 2008 - no heartbeat
- August 27, 2008 - 'indeterminate' u/s
- August 17, 2008 BFP - Double holy freakout!
- June 30, 2008 - Official last day of employment with stupevisor
- February 13, 2008 - Serenity's due date
- February 6, 2008 - Serenity is delivered
- It's a girl!
- June 11, 2007 - BFP - holy freakout!
- April 2007 - 'Hey, let's stop trying to not get pregnant'
- July 2003 - We move to the Midwest
- May 25, 2002 - Our third and final wedding
- December 23, 2001 - Our second wedding
- December 13, 2001 - Our first wedding
- August 1998 - Triple S and Ya Chun meet
She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
5 comments:
I think you're right. I must also let my daughters go off their own. But I can't seem to let go of them, either of them, quite yet.
This post reminds me of my favourite post at Glow in the Woods.
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2009/11/13/one-day-at-suppertime.html
Because I know that, even though I don't feel like letting go right now, I will. Because that is what mothers do. Let go.
I am glad that your memories of Serenity are gentler.
I'm afraid you're right. I'm working on this, too, but sometimes it seems to be asking an awful lot.
This brought tears to my eyes. Letting go is tough.
I feel I'm not quite there yet, but maybe ask me again in five or six months and I'll re-evaluate the situation.
so so true. Of parenting, and of grief. The hardest bit, without a doubt. It is a good thing when you can remember her without feeling the trauma of losing her so sharply.
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