I skipped my blog post.
Anyway, I have some other holiday things I want to post. I'll get to it eventually. I have until New Year's right?
***
Bea's got one of her top teeth. It's more than just poking out, so I guess I missed it big debut. I can't really see it past her full upper lip (which is so cute and darling, by the way).
I called to tell my mother that Beanie got another tooth. That's about all I got to say. "Oh, really, that's nice. Well, I blah blah blah."
Then, "We got all the photos you sent, with us and the baby. What did you want us to do with all of them?"
"Um, their yours to put up in frames?" I said.
"All of them, what will I do with *all* of them?"
"You can give one to Gram and Grandpa if you want," I suggested.
"Well, you sent them the one, right?" Mom said. "The one that you signed with... the other, what did it say, remembrance... oh the other baby. You know what I mean."
I am thinking, in slow-mo, you can't be serious, she has forgotten my daughter's name. "Yes, I sent her the holiday card."
"Serenity! That's it! Well, I went shopping today, blah blah blah," she countered, changing the subject, lest one gets emotional or talks about something important.
Really, am I just expecting too much of her? Possibly. Should I be surprised, after 35 years of crap from her. Of neglect, lack of interest, lack of effort.
I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, that she did the best she could, with her resources, her skills. Mothering and navigating this society doesn't come naturally.
***
I told Triple S about it later that night. I prefaced with "I really shouldn't tell you this" which h knows always leads to yet another let-down from my parents.
He was miffed.
***
As I believe I have said before, we will be leaving this town, this state, sometime in 2011.
Triple S tried to apply to many jobs closer to my family, even one within the hick region where I grew up.
Sometimes, ok maybe most times, it just doesn't seem worth it.
Why move to freakin' cold weather, to where people stare at my husband because he is not as white as wonder bread, where I couldn't find a liberal conclave, just to be near them? I don't think my mom would help with the kid(s). I still would probably have to take her to my haircuts and dentist appointments.
No wonder I sometimes feel unsupported.
***
And I woke up this morning with the song "Blue Christmas" on my brain.
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6 comments:
She said whaaaaaaaaaat?
Oh god Ya Chun, I'm so sorry.
Ugh. I can't believe there are grandparents who actually have to ask what they're supposed to do with photos!!? (((hugs)))
All very good questions...WOW, my jaw hit the floor, She dosen`t sound as though she deserve having you uproot to be near her. Oy.
oh gosh, this feels like an exact replica of a recent conversation I had with my dad. The one where he asks how I am, I say since it is the day my daughters died, I'm really not that great. He says, is that so? I'm so sorry....so, did you see the Pitt game?
Speechless. Slo. mo. Waiting to boil over, which I did. But then when I vented to my husband and my brother, they were a little less supportive of my outrage.
"But what did you expect?"
And I guess in a way it is about modifying expectations. I talked to another friend about this dilemma, this one where your parents are not the rocks of wisdom and grown-upness you want them to be. In fact, they're really beyond immature - and she said the moment she realized that her mother was just incapable of being that source of wisdom and comfort she wanted, her relationship with her transformed. Once she realized the expectation she had would never be met, she altered the expectation, and ceased to be disappointed.
I'm still working on all of that, but I so wanted to reach out, shake my fist with you and then extend a hug. Sigh. "Rents. What shall we do with them?
I'm so sorry. I would be feeling awfully blue after that conversation, too.
I hope, when you move, you move to a place where you can find a meaningful (and truly supportive) support network.
Yeah sadly people don't change. Sounds like a pattern .. Sorry :(
You could come out here to SF, CA. Plenty o' jobs and you guys would fit right in. :)
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