You know what I realized yesterday? That no one emails me anymore. I have a long list of email addresses, and all I ever get in my in box is junk, from websites I signed up for, from orders, etc.
I pay for my one email account, thinking that then people could always get a hold of me - I've had it for years now. It downlaods quite nicely to my computer, so I always have correspondence saved.
But why do I bother?
I hadn't really noticed that no one contacted me over this last year and a half, after the initial round of cards and emails. But, now, I am noticing.
I like Facebook, because you can keep tabs on the mundane, and with friends spread out all over the place, you wouldn't really know these things if you didn't live in the same town. But, few people respond to my various posts. Some email me there (which I like).
I am not really complaining, I am just noticing, wondering.
What I am to do - send a group email "Hey, I am ready to email again. I promise not to talk about dead baby stuff. But, I am also not going to tell you abut this potential bean, hopefully this sticky sticky bean, yet either. And I probably still have little interest in everyone else's unecessary dramas. Real troubles, yes, I'd like to try to be there, if I can handle it."
But, shouldn't friends check in? Don't they wonder what is going on? Do they not know what to ask?
Have any of you gotten any emails recently from people that you hadn't heard from for awhile?
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19 comments:
That's true. I don't really get emails like I used to either. But I don't really have friends like I used to either. Guess people got sick of me talking about how much I want a baby and stuff. Oh well, it's my life, what can I do. They can either accept it or not.
I have gotten written out of lives and social events. Truly though, the social events probably have more to do with me turning down invitations for a year.
At least this friend keeps track of you here...
But I don't get personal e-mails either, maybe some pictures now and then...
My emails have dropped off significantly over the past year.
But for awhile I was really really bad at returning them (dead baby grief), so that's probably why.
Pretty much all I get now are responses to ones I've sent.
I get occasional emails from friends still, but for the most part they're just quick and silly. We talk on the phone if we're going to communicate meaningfully. But there aren't as many phone calls around here, lately, either. Hmm.
I know Patchi ;)
I don't really get personal e-mails either. I guess it's just because I was so bad at correspondence in the year after Ellie's death. People checked on me then but I just didn't have the energy to respond and now they've moved on... It hurts a little bit but I guess They see it as my own fault because I was to busy being sad. (I guess I am a little bitter...) So now I read the blogs of my new "friends".
Nope, no e-mails from people I haven't had contact with for a while. I've started contacting the people I want to see though and it is so fun to reconnect!
I stopped being upset over people "forgetting" about me - they didn't forget they just didn't know what to do with me other than give me space. While that hurt it's ok now because I know they always loved me and they have been waiting for me.
Send that e-mail! Let your friends know you miss communicating with them!
Oh yep, could have written this myself. I got a few this week, but that's all because I had Hope's story published in the newspaper here, so a few emailed to say they read it and that gee, they had no idea what we went through. Yeah, that's because you never bothered to contact us or ask us 12 months ago. Mostly now emails come from other babyloss Mums. So if you ever feel like you want to talk on email - go right ahead and fire one through.
Not too many, a few good folks who still check in but that's about it. You know how it goes...
I am on Facebook and would love to have you as a friend. Amanda Kellar... Look forward to catching up w/ you...
And here I thought it was just me. If I wasn't on FB, I probably wouldn't hear from most people I know - and even then, its limited.
*sigh*
It actually occurred to me today that facebook might be one of the reasons for the lack of emails... People view that as enough...of keeping tabs without having to actually say anything...
Anyway, just a thought.
I agree. I get no where near as many emails as I did before and just after Jordan's death. Though I occasionally get bursts of them after particular posts on my blog (which I think is really funny...in a bad way).
xx
I also get fewer emails than before losing Sara.
Interesting, but you're right. It's true for me, too.
I have a dear, dear friend with whom I almost never communicate anymore. We met the first day of college and, before C and I moved away, rarely went more than 3 or 4 days without speaking or seeing each other. Our connection got, well, spotty during my pregnancy. Email was my primary form of communication then, because I was so sick. And then after we lost the boys, she would drop me a line occasionally, to see how I was doing, but it was hard.
We've spoken 2 or 3 times in the last year or so. The last time we talked, it was for 3 hours on the phone. I miss her dearly, but will admit that I have trouble picking up the phone, sending an email, too.
I hate it. I love her. I know she loves me. And our experiences, while different have never divided us. I'm a different person. And I know, if I were to visit her in Boston, it would be like I'd never left. So why is it so difficult? I really don't know.
Other dear friends all have children. Moving forward with their lives. What is there to talk about? Will I cry in public again? Will I be weird or different? No one wants that, of course.
That said, yes, there are several people from whom I feel I've been dismissed. People with whom I became friendly during my pregnancy who have been afraid to talk to me, it seems. The depression didn't help, but when people avoid your gaze, it's hard to feel connected.
I feel like there are few people left with whom I can really talk. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I feel really isolated, too.
I think people just don't know what to say. :(
Hey sweet girl, just checking in with you! Hope everything is going well. . . please let us know!, or drop me a line at littlebluebirdsfly@gmail.com
Hi, I found your blog through another's, and this post really rings true for me too. People didn't know what to say after my daughter died, so they said nothing. The same applies after my son died. Only very old and very loyal friends still email me. Most "friends" gave up on me. But this is my life, and if they can't deal with it, that's their problem.
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