Did I meet the "goals?"

It is six months since Serenity was delivered. The date, the "6th," doesn't bother me as much as the days leading up to it. I think this is because Serenity was already dead, and some part of me knows it, knows when, and that is when my body mourns.

I think this day is more difficult for Triple S. He still had some hope that it was a mistake, and that she would come out kicking and screaming. He broke down when he saw her, delivered, still.

I know Triple S was worried about me today, because he called me this morning, ready to beat up someone harassing me with live babies (ie the Blogger team). It means he was checking in on me by checking what I was writing in my blog. Wow, you'd think we never talk!

Here's the update for the Goal List from a few weeks ago. I am not sweating it, as these things have not been on my mind since writing them down (the true power of a list).

1. Track down her death certificate and birth certificate with the hospital's office of vital records.
I've tried. Need to try again. A wonderful chaplain from the hospital has been checking in on us (thanks S) so I think I will procrastinate on this until after we meet her this month...I also hope to discuss with he some pamphlet idea I've got knocking around in my head.

2. Get the DVD of the memorial service into one file and onto one DVD. Make copies and store. Figure out how to store for long term. I have to take this somewhere as we don't have a DVD burner. Files are already backed up on my computer.
No action yet. Bad dbm.

3. Send thank you notes to people who did memorials in her name. (Triple S hasn't done his share yet)
Triple S wrote one and a half last night. That's all the strength he could muster...

4. I have some money and gift cards that people wanted donated in her name, that I have to do.
Perhaps when we meet the chaplain I can take these to the hospital...

5. Take the nail polish off my toes.


6. Clean the house. Just this weekend I did a spring cleaning on the living room and bedroom. I just haven't cleaned well lately...
House is getting better, I've been a bit more organized and had a bit more interest in it. I'll consider this one a success too! I've also been really busy starting my new freelance career, hence the dbm blogging slowdown and little time for house work.

7. Get rid of the Parents and Parenting and whatever other baby magazines I am still receiving- and put the copies in office waiting rooms.
I have been ignoring them...plus, I haven't had a doctor's appointment in awhile. I've got two coming up, so....save for then.

8. Find the CD with the scans of Serenity's pictures. What I would really like to do is take them someplace that can scan a better image from the hospital's printouts.
I did this last night and put all the photos we have of her life on 1 CD. Wow, that's sad when I say it that way: her whole life and death fit on one CD. I debated posting one of these pics, but since I was debating with myself since last night, I think I am not yet ready.


Well, I managed to make procrastination sound like progress. But I do have a plan for the things I haven't done yet. I'm fine with it. The list is shorter and things are in motion.

{{Mommy misses you Serenity. More than you could ever imagine. More than I could have ever imagined.}}

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