Communication Breakdown

Well, for some reason my mom thinks, and tells others, that I don't want to have more kids.

Hmm, when did I say that? I don't even remember discussing this with her. Was I still drugged up?

I just DO NOT get my mom.

My sister told me that my mom said this to her too, and she then told my mom that we were waiting for the autopsy results to see if there was any reason to not risk it again. I didn't know I was waiting for the autopsy results before TTC. How do these people know these things? I haven't said anything bout it and my logic was not working so well for the first 5 weeks to think that I should wait for the autopsy results. (Which showed nothing anyway)

So, whenever anyone calls me they talk about all kinds of stuff, but none of these things. But apparently they are talking about them to other people and just filling in the gaps. I want to talk about Serenity, she is one of the best things to come my way and the loss of her is by far the worst. (Husband gets # 1 spot, because he had been super good before and has been after all this and he is still here)

I think folks need more counseling than I do. I am going to once per month on that anyway...


I think Serenity maybe took after her mom in the klutzy department, since she manage to get all tangled up in that cord. Darn it.


The family reunion for my grandparents anniversary was great. I haven't seen some of my uncles/aunts/cousins for at least ten years. They all sent sympathy cards, but I got very few follow-ups or calls. But this way I could see them and they all said they were sorry for our loss, etc. But the main thing for me is that I gave out wallet cards with a poem I wrote and her name and delivery date. I could see that it really affected people and they realized a little more how hard it has been for us. I felt kind of bad, like I was pouring salt in the wounds, but their wounds were mostly little scratches. But, I felt like I was sharing something more about Serenity with them- maybe how important she was to us.

I notice that I now use the past tense with Serenity. She is gone and I can't have her. And that's ok, it sucks, but it's ok.

She is free
She is a butterfly
She is the wind
She is love
and I can share love