Time has been amorphous for me the last two years. This May, it will have been two years since we got pregnant with Serenity. To me, it seems like last year. But last May, we were in the thralls of grief.
In preparation for the RE appointment, I was looking through my calendar (I swear I kept, ya know, records somewhere).
Macadamia's due date is/was this month.
I miss Serenity so much, and think about how old she would be, and what we are missing. But the miscarriage fed more into the fear of our next pregnancy than it registered as a loss of another baby. I totally forgot (repressed?) the timeline on macadamia, although I am not so good with time anyway, as I never really paid attention to Serenity's due date either. But 39 weeks has kinda snuck up on me.
Wow, in an alternate universe, I am freaking out for other reasons right now.
Eh gads, I suck.
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13 comments:
Sometimes it's easier not to remember these things...
My Flicka's due date is this month too.
I'm so sorry Ya Chun. This is all so unfair. I'm thinking of you.
I just noticed that my sidebar timeline says that Triple S and I met in 2008. Duh. I was off by 10 years.
See, airhead that's really bad with time.
(((Yaya)))
And maybe the due date was May. Can't really remember, and I don't think the doc ever got to the point of giving us a due date.
*hugs* I want out of the alternate universe and back into the 'normal' one I knew..
Oh wow, you have a lot going on right now. You do not suck.
(((HUGS)))
Just (((HUGS)))!!!
*hugs*
For me, losing track of time makes it all just a tiny bit easier.
Just thinking of you. Memory can be a real pain in the butt - when it works and when it doesn't.
You most definitely do not suck. (((hugs)))
Thinking of you. It sucks all around.
"But the miscarriage fed more into the fear of our next pregnancy than it registered as a loss of another baby."
I found this really interesting. I am ten weeks pregnant now. I worry frequently about miscarriage... but I think the loss would really just emphasise Jordan's loss. I don't know that I could separate them as being two different events. They would both suck eternal sucktitude.
Hugs to you.
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