I'm Still Standing

Monday, April 6th was cold and rainy here. Overcast. Yucky and, did I mention, cold? We had an overnight freeze. I have my veggies out, and I covered many with soda bottles and milk jugs. The spring woodland wildflowers, many planted last May, are all growing like crazy spring plants do, so I covered those with old towels.. That's hoosier for you.

All I thought all day was how different it was from April 6th last year.

Now, who remembers the weather on some random date from last year?

I do. I vaguely remember the weather on the 4th and the 5th, but I clearly remember the weather, and how it actually felt, for the 6th.

It's been a year since we had the memorial service for Serenity. Sunday, April 6th, 2008 was sunny, with a gentle breeze that was almost warm. A breeze that you could feel, that made the balloons dance, but that wasn't too strong. The temperature was in the 60s, warm enough to release monarch butterflies. Monarchs that I hope made it through the crazy St Louis weather, the ups and downs, and whose progeny made it to Mexico and found a wooded area. The sun was shiny, the sky was clear. Light filtered through a fountain in a nearby lake. The outdoors smelled alive. The spring flowering trees were showing off: dogwoods, red buds, cherries and crabapples. The breeze brought me warm, scented air, and I allowed it to carry away some of my sadness, to make room for some contentedness, some peace. I surrendered to the joy that is nature.

Friends, coworkers, and family surrounded Triple S and I as we tried to honor and celebrate our daughter. Our first baby.

This year was just so very different. After all this time.