We really fell in love with IZ's version of "Over the Rainbow". If you have never heard of it, I recommend you check it out. It is hopefull and uplifting. Somewhere, that is where our dream girl is now.
We are doing the service and wake in bright spring colors. That just seems right to us. We hope to do a butterfly release if the weather is warm enough. I would recommend the website "mrbutterflies" for this. They have boxes that are not wedding themed, and I called the lady and she was very nice to deal with for this terrible sort of thing. Well, I'll let you know after the release if the butterflies were any good.
My husband and I decided while we were at the hospital, maybe I was still in the early stages of labor, that we would honor our daughter through the way we lived our lives. That may seem like alot of pressure to put on yourself, and we will fall short many times, but I am trying to stay positive, and keep this blog positive too. I hope my words can help other mommies that have lost their babies.
To this end, I have added a poll. When reading other deadbabyblogs, it seemed to me that some of the other moms didn't get very long breaks after losing their babies to stillbirth. I would like to see the range of maternity leaves granted after delivering a fully formed little human being.
The day our doctor came to check us out of the hospital, she said, "ok, so I will put you down for 2-4 weeks of leave." I must have had one heck of a look on my face! I said I didn't think that would be long enough. I was fully expecting the 6 weeks that my employer grants. My doctor then said, "OK, I'll put you down for 6-12."
By week five, I remember thinking that physically I still didn't feel like I could really return to work. I was still very stiff in my lower abdomen if I sat or stood for too long at a stretch. I still have this stiffness, but it is not as bad. Emotionally, I would say I have to go back to work at some point, and I think six weeks was probably a good enough time. I guess if I have a rough day I can take off half a day.
So, I think employers and doctors should still honor the leave that a mother with a live baby would get! We still need to heal physically from our deliveries. Come on, I carried a baby to term! I just didn't get to carry her home.
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5 comments:
I lost my baby at 39 weeks.
I took a 6 week maternity leave.
My employer grants 6 weeks of leave at 60% pay. Up to 6 more weeks can be taken, unpaid.
I was granted full maternity leave (6wk/60% up to 12/unpd) if I wanted it. I opted to use vacation time and was really back to work (from home) in about 2.5 weeks. I was thankful they offered it though.
Wow! I just can't believe this. What if you had a traumatic difficult delivery? It has been 3 months since my Evan died and I am still soar and healing, I had a forceps delivery and an episiotomy. In Canada with stillbirth you get 17 weeks paid parental leave, then if you are not ready to go back you can get disability, all paid at 55% of your former wage. I fully needed my entire 17 weeks, then choose to go back to work. I can't imagine going back after 2-3 weeks, or even 6 weeks, I was a total mess at that point, it took my like 8 weeks to function much at all. CRAZY and kinda cruel.
I gave birth to my daughter at 39w3day she had died during labor.
I am self employed so after our daughter died i took no actual maternity leave. my OB did offer to write me a disability note at some point which i refused.
I have however worked as little as possible to pay the bills in the last 7 months.
they same is true for my partner he was not allowed Family leave based on our loss he returned to work 2 week after our loss.
Ya Chun, I'm so sorry for you loss. I often describe my daughter as serene, as well. She looked so absolutely calm and peaceful despite the chaos going on around her.
I lost her at 6d old. (She went to term.) I am a SAHM, so I went right back to "work" the next morning. My husband went back two weeks later.
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