To Give Thanks

Today is what is normally my favorite holiday. I love all the food (the family recipes only, mind you) the time with family, the casual ease of the long weekend.

This year, I cleaned the shelf around Serenity's spot, gardened a bit, and took a nap. I did not want to have a taste of my favorite foods, which I normally eat once per year, in my mouth. I didn't want to celebrate.

But I am grateful for many things:

Triple S, my dear hubby, best friend, companion, confidant. The guy who understands me, and whom I (mostly) understand. He understands why I don't want to celebrate my favorite holiday in the normal manner. We've made a nice life together: we've got a house, a dog, a cat, two cars, and high speed internet. All good.

A couple of my doctors. I figure I better be grateful now, and maybe things will work out next time with the dream team helping us out.

You, the folks on the other side of my blog. This place helps me stay sane and get it all out. Reading your words, whether comments or on your blog, helps keep me balanced. The blogs have lit the path and revealed from the get go that this journey is neither straight nor narrow, but convoluted and at times repetitive. I only hope that I have helped half as much as I have been helped.

Today, I was trying to think that I should be grateful about Serenity. I don't think I am totally there yet. I am glad I had her in my life, and that I enjoyed our time together. I am glad to have felt her move in my belly, and to see Triple S so happy. To me, though, I don't think grateful is really the word, and certainly does not suit the situation as a whole. I love and miss her more than I can bear. I feel privileged to know such love and robbed to have lost her.