It's nearly been a year...

It's nearly been a year since he's been gone

And we still sing his goodbye songs

I think I may have originally been introduced to this song (and artist) here in DBL.

This song hasn't left me. This is a man who knows grief.

I guess I'm gonna give up

Not give up life or living. To me, it means giving up the battle with the grief, giving up the unwillingness to accept my daughter's death. Trying to pursue again my hobbies, albeit sometimes without success:

I dropped my paintbrush in the dirt
Still remember just how much that hurt

Triple S sang this song last night, with his guitar. I think it might have been the first time he tried to pluck through it. I was busy, and only half paying attention to him as he sang through different songs. But this morning, it was in my head. I asked him if he was playing this song the night before, singing a few, disjointed lines that were stuck with me. Then he remembered, and played it again. We discussed the lyrics a bit while we ate breakfast, before he headed off to work.

This isn't a song to which I must apply a mental shift in order to make it fit my deadbaby emotions. This isn't a romance of longing. This is the real deal.

I just can't seem to get it right today

It was hard to find a youtube video of it. It's not a happy song, maybe not wildly popular. But he does perform it - painfully- live. Although he is hidden by the microphones, this version is standout. Did you notice how quiet the audience was?

Thank you, Joe Purdy. For such a beautiful, authentic song. For sharing your pain.

(And, I bought a bunch of your albums, because of how much I liked this song...and I hope to see you perform live sometime)