That was a foot trying to push its way out, through my abdomen. It's the last movement I can remember now. I don't know if that is because there is a picture of it, or if it was indeed the last perceptible movement. I just don't know.
My mood is eerily smooth. It has me on edge. I can't force my emotions one way or the other, and I can't predict what they will be tomorrow. I have to actually work tomorrow, so I hope they are calm and collected then.
I am so ready to mother, just not sure about readiness to be pregnant again. I suppose, when it comes to it though, I will just go forward and get through it. That's all we can do.
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15 comments:
Yes. I think you are exactly right.
Abiding
It's a good mantra to have.
I'm sorry you have to work tomorrow. As I've said before, though, it's usually the anticipation that's the hardest part about these things.
One step at a time. (((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry to read all what you've been through. I can't even imagine what it must be like. A friend of mine lost her son at 39 weeks (this past November). I wish I knew what I could do for her.
We just keep going, one step at a time.
Sending you big hugs, Ya Chun.
Astrid- If you ever check back here...
The thing I hear echoed perhaps the most is the idea to abide with your friend. When she wants to talk, listen. When she wants company, be there. When you ask "how are you", mean it, and be prepared for the answer. Tell her you miss her baby too (that was perhaps the best thing someone told me - my neighbor). It is a long road that she will never truly ever leave. This is the path of her life now. I am so sorry for your friend.
when I look at pics like that (of me, or you or anyone this happened to) I think to myself "I just can't believe that baby didn't make it out alive". We miss her with you.
Hope's Mom is right. It's still just so damn hard to believe she (or he depending on who,) didn't make it out safely. I hope you find tomorrow easier than the dread you feel leading up to it. For me, the days before were worse than the day of. Almos like holding your breath before being stuck with a huge needle and them once it's over you think, is that it? Except of course, we didn't get stuck with a needle, we got hit with a ramming rod.
xxoo
(((Hugs)))
I can't imagine what you are going through.
Thinking of you and wishing you love and peace. Its all so bloody hard and I wish things could be so so different for you. xxx
Yes, it is all we can do...take a deep breath and a leap of faith.
"I will just go forward and get through it. That's all we can do."
And repeat...
Such a beautiful photo.
xxx
(hugs) one foot in front of the other, day after day -- that's all anyone can do. :)
thinking of you
Sometimes all we have is one foot in front of the other, over and over, for as long as it takes.
I hear you about the mothering vs being pregnant. This is one of those times when I wish life came with a crystal ball and a fast-forward button.
Hugs amd peace to you.
Such lovely photos of you and your beautiful tummy.
I love your mantra. That's all we can do. There is nothing else.
Thinking of you and your Serenity.
Rach
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