Triple S and I are cool.
I read to him the blog post and comments last night (yeah- he wants to know but doesn't want to 'read') I had told him I had very many great comments. He felt bad when I read about how he rained on my MD.
We talked about this. I think he suppresses his grief, to support me, and when I am ok, he let's his guard down and his grief comes boiling out.
His work situation is also deteriorating. Well, I don't think the situation is changing, but his ability to tolerate it is drying up. Sunday, he checked his email and his coworker's wife delivered their baby- who wasn't due until June. I think this sent him over. We joke that his lab is very (re)productive. It is raining babies. This Friday was a baby shower, then this other baby is born and one other lady is currently preggo. This in a group of about 15 people (not all childbearing age).
I just wished he would express his grief as grief. Not as misdirected anger at me over something that did not warrant the size of the response.
He always says that when I cry, it hurts his heart. When he is angry, or suffering through this, it hurts me too.
We continue to muddle our way through this.
I thin he needs to "deal" with his grief more, but he is recalcitrant. Don't you all think he should start a blog too? I told him he could post on bad days "this sucks" and that would be enough. Cause he won't always talk to me, or even realize that he needs to talk.
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She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Serenity Joy almost made it into this world alive, but almost doesn't count. Her little sister did make it.
When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present -- love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure -- the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
She almost made it
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Who, Where?
- March 2010 - Beanie makes it
- July 2009 - BFP
- December 12, 2008 - We finally take our 'honeymoon' vacation
- September 18, 2008 - D & C
- Septermber 12, 2008 - no heartbeat
- August 27, 2008 - 'indeterminate' u/s
- August 17, 2008 BFP - Double holy freakout!
- June 30, 2008 - Official last day of employment with stupevisor
- February 13, 2008 - Serenity's due date
- February 6, 2008 - Serenity is delivered
- It's a girl!
- June 11, 2007 - BFP - holy freakout!
- April 2007 - 'Hey, let's stop trying to not get pregnant'
- July 2003 - We move to the Midwest
- May 25, 2002 - Our third and final wedding
- December 23, 2001 - Our second wedding
- December 13, 2001 - Our first wedding
- August 1998 - Triple S and Ya Chun meet
She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
7 comments:
I love the "this sucks" idea :) I've often tried to convince B to write, but he's resisted. He started writing once, on the babies' due date. . . he looked up at me and said that now he "got" why I did it. . . but it started raining (we were outside) and he never finished and, to my knowledge, hasn't started again.
Even if writing's not their "thing," I do think our hubbies need to find some outlet of their own . . .I just don't know what else to suggest to them!
Yup, muddling through; it's all we can do.
You are absolutely SO cool!
xxx
I am very much like a man in that I supress my grief, barely even cry (NEVER in front of anyone!), and don't like to talk about my feelings. I've said it before and I'll say it again- blogging is THE BEST thing I ever did to help me deal with my grief. When I am having a crappy day I write a blog post in my head. Sometimes I post it, sometimes I don't. I think it's the process of thinking it out that helps me. The only thing I would do different is I would be anonymous. In the beginning I shared my blog w/ family and friends and now I wish I didn't. (Sometimes they are who I want to blog about!)
It's too bad hubbies suppress it. My own husband does the same thing. A blog would be good for them, if only they could be convinced...
Tell Triple S we're thinking of him too.
It's cool that your husband wants to hear the comments you get. He's participating in the support through you. Mine has not been able to face my blog at all. He knows about it but as far as I know, has never read any of it.
Then yesterday he put up all the pictures of our weekend to spread Colden's ashes on to Facebook and wrote a set of comments for it all. The intro text was just heartbreaking for me to read. I was glad to see him express himself in some way and yet I could better understand why he hasn't read my blog. No matter how they express themselves, it's so very hard to see our spouses hurting. Hang in there...
Ditto. ditto. ditto. I couldn't have written this post better. I am sure M surpresses his grief to help me bear mine. But his grief never comes out as such. It seeps and stumbles out as anger, frustration, at what? at me? at the world? Sometimes even he can't place it.
My suggestion to him to blog was nixed, and he refuses to read mine (a privacy which I respect. I respect that he respects my privacy. ha) But on some other smart babyloss bloggers suggestions, started reading some comments out loud to him. And that would start some conversations and those conversations were not ones we were having on our own so I saw it as some serious progress.
All of this to say, yes, muddling. We'll muddle through.
I so agree with Barbara. You are cool. And your blooms make me jealous.
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