I am starting to get interested in doing some hobbies again. I had the *brilliant* idea to make Triple S a quit. The first quilt I ever made was a play mat for Serenity. I enjoyed doing it, especially picturing my little baby rolling around on it. I have the last 6 inches of binding to hand stitch. It sits next to the sewing machine, unfinished.
I have material that I had purchased to make a bed quilt for my expected daughter. I thought I could make it while being at home. Slowly, yes, but by the time she was big enough for a twin bed, I figured I'd be done with it.
I can't do a thing with that material now. I pulled it out. I put it away.
I recently went to the fabric store, and saw a quilt for a class that they are offering, that looks nice and easy- ie big blocks. I thought, I can make one for my hubby. Well, long story short, he's not really interested in a lap quilt. Which is gunny, because we sit under blankets on the couch all winter long. Isn't it the same to sit under one that I made?
Well, I drug him to the fabric store today with me (when will I learn that this is a HUGE mistake). He was, shall we say, somewhat recalcitrant to the idea of being in the fabric store, with, ya know, all that fabric and having to pick out fabric. So, I got the hint that he didn't really want a quilt, and I thought,"Why don't I just make one for my sister?" HA! So, I will make a quilt for my lil sis and one for my SIL.
You see, I really want to be busy, but it is hard to do things. If I feel like I have a goal for a quilt, I can do it. Making one for my sis and SIL seems like admirable enough goals. Hopefully I can fill some of this "free" time.
I don't really feel like I have much free time. I don't really count crying and mourning my daughter as free time. It's painful, tortuous, difficult time. I sometimes get the impression that harried parents chasing a toddler around are envious of my "free" time. I asked my neighbor if she wanted to take the quilt class with me "Oh, I don't have the time" and just a little hint of "like you do". Her husband also said something about me and my "free time". Being without my daughter is painful, tortuous, difficult time. It's been months of this, with no reprieve, no time free from that pain.
I would much rather be spending my time teaching my daughter to walk and talk and eat solid foods. I would rather have a new hobby: my baby, my family time.
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7 comments:
Yep, I adore it when our friends make remarks about our "free time" and how "it must be nice to be able to go out to dinner". Yep, cause we are so thrilled our son died, and we have all this free time. . ..
Keeping yourself busy with a hobby is a really good idea. I've been embroidering a lot lately and I feel like it's helped my mental state quite a bit.
Ugh. That's so annoying. Thinking of you, Ya Chun.
You know, my mother made a quilt for V. It was her first ever quilting experience. We hung it over our bed as a wall hanging rather than a quilt. Hanging it over our bed made me feel closer to V somehow. Maybe one day Serenity's quilt might bring you some peace.
I find crafty hobbies good - for thinking and creating stuff at the same time. Knitting is helping me be slightly less angry.
I know, I hated that I had time to clean and de-clutter, after Ferdinand died. I hate the life we are leading now, unfettered by the chaos of having a baby...
But I did also have the urge to engage in hobbies. They can be healing.
Do what you feel like, and what feels healing to you, ignore those idiotic remarks. ((hugs))
I'm with Mrs. Spit on the "free time" issue. ; ) But I know what you mean. I've taken up scrapbooking since the loss of our daughter. Which is kind of weird in a way, since scrapbooking is such a "mommy" hobby. I've actually asked people why I scrapbook & what if I don't have kids. (!!) I've always loved taking pictures, journalling & family history, & I find that scrapbooking brings all those things together in a really neat way.
Oops, I meant that people have asked ME why I scrapbook!!
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