My body is tired. Tired from last year. At the gym this morning, I thought about my burden of grief. It is heavier than all the weights stacked on one of those machines. It is constant. It is ill-positioned. My body doesn't look buff from this constant physical and emotional strain - just the opposite. My body looks worn. Neglected. Abused.
This morning, rolling over i bed, I pulled my neck. Yes. I am too infirm to even sleep properly. It was too much for me. I began to cry. I can't take this physical pain anymore. Last week was a step forward, last night was two steps back.
Most spines consist of vertebrate lined up like duckings behind their mama. My back is like a pile of puppies, rolling, tumbling, growling and yelping. Disorganized and cacophonous. Beaten up and scathed. It is only missing the cute factor.
I'm trying. I'm on the 90-day plan, remember? Except, I am not sure that the plan has started yet, so I am in the spring training for the 90-day plan.
Yoga on Mondays, 12 noon. The instructor is quite adept at correcting my position and alignment. There is a constant reminder to tuck my pelvis and suck in my abs. This often accompanies a correction of my over extension. The yogi commented to the rather inflexible gentleman to my side that she was sorry he was standing next to me, since I am so flexible. I guffawed. No need to be jealous of me. The instructor, bless her and <3, then said, "well, maybe not. You have so much pain from your over-flexibility". The guy couldn't understand why, but she explained it quite well, even for me - because my joints get out of alignment. It's those misbehaved puppies. But, let it be known, being flexible is as over-rated as having big boobs - and both end up hurting your back.
Circuit Training on Tuesdays, 7 freakin am. Totally worth the early morning (and today's 20 F and flurries). The class is led by a physical therapist and is small in size. We do a circuit of 8 exercises each week, with him spotting each of us and suggesting modifications for each student's particular limitations. Big puffy heart to my PT Jeff, because he says I do good every time! <3
Back to PT. Since I can only attend the Tuesday sessions, I am putting myself back into PT on Fridays. Rather than joining a gym and exercising without supervision, it is better if Jeff just sets me straight! I had PT last May and June, but now I am feeling better, physically and emotionally. The immensity of my grief has lessened, so now I can move a bit more freely. I want my body to be strong to get me through another pregnancy - and to get me a healthy baby!
In related news, my doctor tells me that I am not allowed to cross my legs. Now I try to work at my laptop on a TV tray, because my legs only fit when they are flat on the floor. It brings to my attention how many times during an hour I do try to cross my legs. I puffy heart my doc too. <3
What exercises are you doing?
How are you achieving your health goals?
Let's swap tips and support!
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6 comments:
7am? I am impressed.
Health goals are notoriously difficult to achieve. What helps me is making sure I do some kind of exercise for at least 20 minutes a day and at least 3 hours a week. This way, if it's a really crappy day, then even walking counts as exercise, and there is always a back up plan for catching up on the weekends.
I also tried Bikram Yoga for a while. I liked it because (1) it's more sweat for the buck and (2) they do the same routine which helps me relax because I know what's coming.
Take care of yourself.
Right now - I'm doing no exercise. Just plain old laziness on my part. It jsut doesn't feel like there is much point. My husband on the other hand has jumped in head first and manages to find time to go everyday. He's also given up fast food and soda... He's beginning to make me look like the unhealthy one in the family.
I'm impressed with your exercise routine.
I don't really exercise, especially not now, but I will gladly support you!
YOU GO GIRL!
(((Hugs)))
All the exercise I can muster in a normal day includes carrying a two year old up and down the stairs and playing tag with said two year old. But honestly I would love to do yoga. Sounds like you have a good regimen going there.
Spring training for the 90-day plan! That's good stuff.
I really, realy need to get back in the game.
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