Xinnian Kaui Le

Today is the first day of the year 4706. A year of the ox.

Last night we said good bye to last year, a rat year. Our year of pain. 2008.

Two years ago, 2007, it was the year of the pig. Not just any pig, the golden pig. Triple S and I were in Taiwan to celebrate the New Year. After nearly 10 years, I finally met Van's mother's siblings and his cousins. The start to the year of the golden pig had been wonderful for his mother's family, the first time they were all together for the holiday in at least 30 years.

I was waiting for my trip to China before getting pregnant - I wanted to meet more of his family, whether the family in Canton, Hong Kong, or Taiwan. Triple S had never believed me on this. But, lo and behold, we conceived Serenity just a few short months after our return state-side. The year of the golden pig is deemed particularly auspicious, bountiful and joyous, and occurs once every 60 years. It was Serenity's year. Triple S and I were happy, nurturing our daughter as the days went by. Serenity died and was delivered just days before the end of this year of so much promise.

During those dark February days of 2008, we marked the beginning of the year of the rat, with a hot pot meal, much like we had last night, but also so very different. Last year, I was just days past delivery, sitting on a boppy because all those lower parts were hurting. I ate robotically, somberly, suffering the idea that every New Year was now to be shadowed with the pain of my daughter's death. I later cried for Triple S' extended family, thinking that their holiday was ruined. This was the beginning of our year of grief, our year of internalization. Much like the rat that cheated his way to be the first among the animals in that mythic zodiac race, this was the year of our betrayal.

That year is now over. Today is the first day of a new year. The year of the earth ox. The animal that truly would have won the race, if not for the beguiling rat. The ox, the strong one, the humble one.

This year, I am making a calendar quilt. It was to be started on January 1st, adding one strip of fabic everyday. At the end, there would be 365 strips. I plan to add a strip each day based on my mood, what I am feeling; if I am particularly thinking about Serenity, I will put in either a pink or a butterfly strip. Last week, I had yet to start, indicating that I was several strips behind. Instead of admitting my procrastination, I decided to do a quilt based on the Chinese calendar. A calendar that somehow holds more significance for me. The first strip will be cut today.

This year is a leap year. A leap year is more than a little different than a Gregorian leap year. There is an entire extra month. Really, there are two 'fifth' months, totalling up to 384 days for this year.

Maybe, just maybe, with a whole 13 months, we just might end up with a wee ox in the family.

Gong Xi Fa Cai.