Finishing up the edging on the baby playmat- still not done.
After a huge hot pot meal at my friend's house. I was stuffed, top down and bottom up!
A belly shot. I still felt great. The baby wasn't dropping at all. Maybe because she couldn't, with that umbilical cord around her neck. Why didn't I have another ultrasound? Why didn't I ask for one?***
Today, I feel the anger and frustration trying to boil to the top again. I have many regrets, but who knows if any alternate actions would have yielded alternate results.
***
I miss you Serenity.
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18 comments:
I understand.
Hugs.
*hugs*
It wasn't your fault, it wasn't. Cords get wrapped around babies all the time and nothing happens. My peri told me they won't take a baby out just because they see the cord wrapped unless the baby is in distress and that's only going to be seconds before a tragedy occurs and maybe even then, too late.
I get the anger, I do, but don't direct at yourself. You did everything right. Everything.
xxoo
I know exactly where you're coming from. I had the option of an ultrasound at 39 weeks, as I measured 39 weeks two weeks in a row, but because she was still measuring fine for dates, they didn't bother. And I didn't kick up a fuss. That ultrasound would have shown my low fluid levels and maybe, maybe, maybe. You're normal. And we miss Serenity right alongside you. Every day.
I would like to tell you to not wonder about the "if onlys" but I do the same to myself. Thinking of you Ya Chun. These weeks leading up are so hard.
I think we all understand the "if only's" hang in there and try and ride out the angry days.
Sometimes there are no good answers to the questions rolling around in your head. ((HUGS))
Yes, those "if only's"...they play evil tricks on us, make us feel at fault, but it wasn't your fault. Hugs.
Right here along side you.
Love and hugs.
xxx
Anger, an emotion I embrace far too much I think. These weeks leading up suck. Try not to blame yourself, it's hard, but even another u/s may not have done anything to help her.
xo
Ya Chun,
I don't know if it's the weather or just a normal part of this grief roller coaster. But, I've felt the same, I've been filled with anger, guilt and overwhelmed with the "what ifs". Sending you peace.
Yep, the "anniversary countdown" totally sucks. :( We're here to see you through it. (((hugs)))
It wasnt your fault. Hugs.
I really don't understand why they don't do more US here in the US. They are non-invasive & safe... In Brazil they do them throughout the pregnancy.
My doctor is the only one of her practice who requests one at 6-8 weeks. If I had another doctor they would not have caught my missed miscarriage until they tried to hear the heartbeat at 12 weeks or the baby came out on its own...
It boils down to the insurance companies not wanting to cover them, which is ridiculous!
I have the "what ifs", too. We all do. But this happened TO you and Triple S- not because of you. So unfair. Sending you hugs and peace.
This sucks. It seems like, even after 2 years, the guilt still pops up. It hurts.
I have those thoughts---like why the hell couldn't the ultrasound tech READ ultrasounds correctly?
I am sorry. I wish this whole freakin' journey could get easier....
(((HUGS))) and *tears* for your loss.
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