I am just tired of feeling so bleh.
My heart is achy, sad, heavy. But nothing is as intense as it once was. This is a background of sorrow. Enough that I am miserable, but never reach a cathartic episode.
I told Triple S that I still feel sad and there is nothing more to say about it. What should I do, state again that I am sad, that this sucks, that it is not fair, that we miss her? It's all been said ad nauseam.
I am tired. I am lazy. I am in the doldrums. I am overwhelmed by all the little things I need to get done and I am under-whelmed by my desire to do them.
OK, I sense that Triple S is crying- I hear his keyboard going.
We hate Sundays.
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She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Serenity Joy almost made it into this world alive, but almost doesn't count. Her little sister did make it.
When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present -- love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure -- the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
She almost made it
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June
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- Can I Just Say
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- Have you missed me?
- Five Words I Strongly Dislike
- Busy
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Who, Where?
- March 2010 - Beanie makes it
- July 2009 - BFP
- December 12, 2008 - We finally take our 'honeymoon' vacation
- September 18, 2008 - D & C
- Septermber 12, 2008 - no heartbeat
- August 27, 2008 - 'indeterminate' u/s
- August 17, 2008 BFP - Double holy freakout!
- June 30, 2008 - Official last day of employment with stupevisor
- February 13, 2008 - Serenity's due date
- February 6, 2008 - Serenity is delivered
- It's a girl!
- June 11, 2007 - BFP - holy freakout!
- April 2007 - 'Hey, let's stop trying to not get pregnant'
- July 2003 - We move to the Midwest
- May 25, 2002 - Our third and final wedding
- December 23, 2001 - Our second wedding
- December 13, 2001 - Our first wedding
- August 1998 - Triple S and Ya Chun meet
She Almost Made It/ SerenityJoy by Leung Ya Chun (AKS) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
4 comments:
This truly is the hard part of grief. The day in, day out. Every morning you wake up, and you are the mother of a dead baby. It's like losing them all over again. Every night, you go to sleep, without a baby to rock.
The shock has warn off, everyone thinks you should be back to normal, and you are left alone with this great sorrow.
I'm sorry. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe a better day, maybe not, but another day. I hang on to Anne of Green Gables words: "Tomorrow is a fresh day. With no mistakes in it".
yes, that dull ache that never goes away yet still pierces through your heart.
(hugs)) I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry. It's been six months for me, and the idea of slogging through this, carrying this forever is exhausting.
I am told it will get better. To try to hold on to the good, small moments.
Thinking of you and your husband.
Sunday has always been an awful, depressing day for me. Sorry yours was particularly bad.
That ache just stays with us and we just have to figure out a way to live with something we've never had to before. And it's hard. OMG. It's so hard.
Thinking of you, hon. Today is indeed a new day.
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