A child that loses a parent is an orphan.
A man who loses his wife is a widower.
A woman who loses her husband is a widow.
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
for there is no word to describe this pain.
~Sukie Miller~
A man who loses his wife is a widower.
A woman who loses her husband is a widow.
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
for there is no word to describe this pain.
~Sukie Miller~
**I found one webpage that attributed this (paraphrased here into poem form) to psychotherapist Sukie Miller, in her book "Finding Hope When a Child Dies". **
Perhaps we have invented our own name, a name that is raw and unpalatable, deadbabymama and deadbabypapa. I have said this in a few convos with friends and in a few emails.
"Hi. Are you married?"
'Oh, I'm a widow. My husband has been dead for...'
"Hi. Do you have kids?"
'No, I am a deadbabymama.'
That should go over well.
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4 comments:
This is a truly beautiful book and I highly recommend it. Sukie is fantastic, and a great therapist!
I haven't read the book, but this quote appeals to parents' sentiments. After all, there are no words to describe those who have lost siblings or grandparents. I guess people come up with definitions only when there is a tangible change in socio-economic status.
Misha-
perhaps it too is about how one defines themselves. While you love and rely on your siblings and adore your grandparents, when asked to describe oneself "sister" or "grandaughter" likely come after "daughter" and "parent" and probably even occupation.
Yet, losing a child has been marginalized by etiquette.
I just found your blog through "Which Box".
My heart is aching after reading this post. Words cannot describe how sorry I am....
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